Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Revolution
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Revolution
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Revolution
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting Revolution
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Revolution
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Revolution
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always generates better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Revolution
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Revolution
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Revolution
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Revolution
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Revolution
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Revolution
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Revolution
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Revolution
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Revolution
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.