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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Skills List
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting Skills List
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Skills List
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Skills List
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Skills List
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Skills List
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Skills List
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Skills List
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Skills List
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Skills List
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Skills List
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Skills List
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Skills List
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Skills List
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Skills List
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.