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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Solutions 5 Rs
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