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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Solutions App
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting Solutions App
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Solutions App
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Solutions App
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Solutions App
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Solutions App
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions App
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions App
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Parenting Solutions App
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Solutions App
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions App
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Solutions App
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions App
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Solutions App
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Solutions App
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