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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Solutions Articles
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