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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting Solutions Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Solutions Book
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Solutions Book
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Solutions Book
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Solutions Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Positive Parenting Solutions Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Solutions Book
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions Book
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Solutions Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.