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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Solutions Lying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.