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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Solutions UK
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting Solutions UK
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Solutions UK
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Solutions UK
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Solutions UK
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Solutions UK
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Solutions UK
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions UK
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Solutions UK
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