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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Solutions Videos
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