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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Statements
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Statements
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Statements
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Parenting Statements
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Statements
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Statements
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Statements
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Statements
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Statements
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Statements
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Statements
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Statements
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Statements
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Statements
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Statements
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