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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Support During Family Reunification
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