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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Through Divorce Answer Key
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