Positive Parenting USA – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Positive Parenting USA
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting USA

There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting USA

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting USA

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting USA

Positive Parenting USA

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting USA

First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Parenting USA

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting USA

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you’ve always intended to be, and help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

However we can progress a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting USA

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling underneath it

• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Positive Parenting USA

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Parenting USA

This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting USA

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting USA

Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting USA

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting USA

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting USA


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