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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting Values
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Values
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting Values
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Values
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Values
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parenting Values
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Values
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Values
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Values
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we should agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Values
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Values
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Values
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Values
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Values
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Values
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