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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting Vs Negative Parenting
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