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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Vs Positive Discipline
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