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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Whining
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Positive Parenting Whining
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting Whining
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Parenting Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Whining
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Parenting Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Parenting Whining
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Whining
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting Whining
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parenting Whining
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Whining
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