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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting With A Plan Good Habit Cards
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