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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting With A Plan Kit
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