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When I first became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parenting With Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parenting With Toddlers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Positive Parenting With Toddlers
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting With Toddlers
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Parenting With Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mommy or father you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Positive Parenting With Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parenting With Toddlers
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting With Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting With Toddlers
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