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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parenting Workshop
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Parenting Workshop
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parenting Workshop
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parenting Workshop
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parenting Workshop
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parenting Workshop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting Workshop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parenting Workshop
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parenting Workshop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parenting Workshop
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parenting Workshop
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting Workshop
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parenting Workshop
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting Workshop
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parenting Workshop
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.