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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parenting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parenting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Positive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Positive Parenting
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parenting
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