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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parents Have Power
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parents Have Power
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parents Have Power
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Parents Have Power
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parents Have Power
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parents Have Power
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parents Have Power
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Parents Have Power
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Positive Parents Have Power
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parents Have Power
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Parents Have Power
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Parents Have Power
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parents Have Power
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parents Have Power
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parents Have Power
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.