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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Quotes About Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Quotes About Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Quotes About Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development Positive Quotes About Parenting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Quotes About Parenting
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Quotes About Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Quotes About Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mommy or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Quotes About Parenting
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion below it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Quotes About Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Quotes About Parenting
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Quotes About Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Quotes About Parenting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Quotes About Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Quotes About Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Quotes About Parenting
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