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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Reinforcement Words
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Reinforcement Words
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Reinforcement Words
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Reinforcement Words
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Reinforcement Words
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Positive Reinforcement Words
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Reinforcement Words
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Reinforcement Words
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Positive Reinforcement Words
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Positive Reinforcement Words
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Reinforcement Words
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Reinforcement Words
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Reinforcement Words
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Reinforcement Words
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Reinforcement Words
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