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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Resources
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Resources
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Resources
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Resources
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Resources
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Resources
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Resources
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Resources
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Resources
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Resources
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Resources
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Resources
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Resources
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Resources
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Resources
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