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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Step Parent Quotes
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Step Parent Quotes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Step Parent Quotes
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Step Parent Quotes
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Step Parent Quotes
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Step Parent Quotes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Step Parent Quotes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Step Parent Quotes
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Positive Step Parent Quotes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Positive Step Parent Quotes
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Step Parent Quotes
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Step Parent Quotes
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Step Parent Quotes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Step Parent Quotes
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Step Parent Quotes
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