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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Step Parent Stories
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Step Parent Stories
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Step Parent Stories
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Step Parent Stories
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Step Parent Stories
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Positive Step Parent Stories
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Step Parent Stories
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Step Parent Stories
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Positive Step Parent Stories
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Step Parent Stories
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Step Parent Stories
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Step Parent Stories
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Step Parent Stories
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Step Parent Stories
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Step Parent Stories
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