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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Time Out
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Time Out
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Time Out
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Time Out
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Time Out
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Time Out
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Time Out
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Time Out
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Positive Time Out
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Time Out
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Time Out
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Time Out
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Time Out
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Time Out
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Time Out
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.