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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positiveness Definition
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positiveness Definition
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positiveness Definition
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positiveness Definition
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positiveness Definition
Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positiveness Definition
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positiveness Definition
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positiveness Definition
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Positiveness Definition
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positiveness Definition
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positiveness Definition
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positiveness Definition
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positiveness Definition
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positiveness Definition
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positiveness Definition
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