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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positiveparenting Com
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positiveparenting Com
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positiveparenting Com
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positiveparenting Com
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positiveparenting Com
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positiveparenting Com
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positiveparenting Com
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positiveparenting Com
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Positiveparenting Com
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positiveparenting Com
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positiveparenting Com
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positiveparenting Com
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positiveparenting Com
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positiveparenting Com
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positiveparenting Com
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