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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positiveparentingsolutions
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positiveparentingsolutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positiveparentingsolutions
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Positiveparentingsolutions
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positiveparentingsolutions
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positiveparentingsolutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positiveparentingsolutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positiveparentingsolutions
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Positiveparentingsolutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positiveparentingsolutions
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positiveparentingsolutions
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positiveparentingsolutions
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positiveparentingsolutions
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positiveparentingsolutions
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positiveparentingsolutions
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