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When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Postive Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Postive Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Postive Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Postive Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Postive Parenting
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Postive Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Postive Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Postive Parenting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Postive Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Postive Parenting
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Postive Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Postive Parenting
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Postive Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Postive Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Postive Parenting
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