Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Potty Training 4 Years Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Potty Training 4 Years Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Potty Training 4 Years Old
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Potty Training 4 Years Old
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Potty Training 4 Years Old
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Potty Training 4 Years Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Potty Training 4 Years Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Potty Training 4 Years Old
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Potty Training 4 Years Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Potty Training 4 Years Old
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Potty Training 4 Years Old
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Potty Training 4 Years Old
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Potty Training 4 Years Old
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Potty Training 4 Years Old
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Potty Training 4 Years Old
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.