Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Potty Training Setback
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Potty Training Setback
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Potty Training Setback
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Potty Training Setback
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Potty Training Setback
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Potty Training Setback
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Potty Training Setback
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Potty Training Setback
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Potty Training Setback
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Potty Training Setback
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Potty Training Setback
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Potty Training Setback
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Potty Training Setback
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Potty Training Setback
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Potty Training Setback
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.