Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. PPS App
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.PPS App
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy PPS App
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development PPS App
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? PPS App
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for PPS App
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. PPS App
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. PPS App
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … PPS App
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. PPS App
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. PPS App
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? PPS App
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? PPS App
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. PPS App
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. PPS App
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.