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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Pps Online
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Pps Online
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Pps Online
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Pps Online
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Pps Online
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Pps Online
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Pps Online
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Pps Online
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Pps Online
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Pps Online
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Pps Online
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Pps Online
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Pps Online
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pps Online
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Pps Online
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