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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. PPS Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.PPS Solutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy PPS Solutions
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy child development PPS Solutions
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? PPS Solutions
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want PPS Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. PPS Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. PPS Solutions
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … PPS Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. PPS Solutions
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. PPS Solutions
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? PPS Solutions
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? PPS Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. PPS Solutions
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. PPS Solutions
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