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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Praise Versus Encouragement
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Praise Versus Encouragement
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Praise Versus Encouragement
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Praise Versus Encouragement
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Praise Versus Encouragement
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Praise Versus Encouragement
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Praise Versus Encouragement
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Praise Versus Encouragement
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Praise Versus Encouragement
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Praise Versus Encouragement
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Praise Versus Encouragement
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Praise Versus Encouragement
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Praise Versus Encouragement
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Praise Versus Encouragement
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Praise Versus Encouragement
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