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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Pre Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Pre Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Pre Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Pre Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Pre Parenting
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Pre Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Pre Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Pre Parenting
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Pre Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Pre Parenting
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Pre Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Pre Parenting
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Pre Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pre Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Pre Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.