Pregnant With 4Th Baby – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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Pregnant With 4Th Baby
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Pregnant With 4Th Baby

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Pregnant With 4Th Baby

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Pregnant With 4Th Baby

Pregnant With 4Th Baby

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Pregnant With 4Th Baby

Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Pregnant With 4Th Baby

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mama or dad you’ve always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it

• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Pregnant With 4Th Baby

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Pregnant With 4Th Baby

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Pregnant With 4Th Baby

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Pregnant With 4Th Baby

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Pregnant With 4Th Baby


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