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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Pregnant With 4Th Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Pregnant With 4Th Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Pregnant With 4Th Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Pregnant With 4Th Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Pregnant With 4Th Child
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Pregnant With 4Th Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Pregnant With 4Th Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Pregnant With 4Th Child
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Pregnant With 4Th Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we must want to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Pregnant With 4Th Child
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Pregnant With 4Th Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Pregnant With 4Th Child
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Pregnant With 4Th Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Pregnant With 4Th Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Pregnant With 4Th Child
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