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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Preschooler Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Preschooler Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Preschooler Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Preschooler Behavior
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Preschooler Behavior
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Preschooler Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Preschooler Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Preschooler Behavior
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a main emotion under it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Preschooler Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Preschooler Behavior
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Preschooler Behavior
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Preschooler Behavior
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Preschooler Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Preschooler Behavior
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Preschooler Behavior
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