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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Preschooler Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Preschooler Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Preschooler Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Preschooler Discipline
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Preschooler Discipline
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Preschooler Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Preschooler Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Preschooler Discipline
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Preschooler Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Preschooler Discipline
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Preschooler Discipline
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Preschooler Discipline
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Preschooler Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Preschooler Discipline
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Preschooler Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.