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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Preschooler Whining
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Preschooler Whining
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Preschooler Whining
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Preschooler Whining
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Preschooler Whining
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Preschooler Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Preschooler Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Preschooler Whining
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Preschooler Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Preschooler Whining
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Preschooler Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Preschooler Whining
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Preschooler Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Preschooler Whining
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Preschooler Whining
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