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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Preschoolers Behavior
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Preschoolers Behavior
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Preschoolers Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Preschoolers Behavior
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Preschoolers Behavior
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Preschoolers Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Preschoolers Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Preschoolers Behavior
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Preschoolers Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to get from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Preschoolers Behavior
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Preschoolers Behavior
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Preschoolers Behavior
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Preschoolers Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Preschoolers Behavior
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Preschoolers Behavior
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