Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Preschools In Ventura CA
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Preschools In Ventura CA
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Preschools In Ventura CA
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Preschools In Ventura CA
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Preschools In Ventura CA
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Preschools In Ventura CA
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Preschools In Ventura CA
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Preschools In Ventura CA
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Preschools In Ventura CA
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Preschools In Ventura CA
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Preschools In Ventura CA
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Preschools In Ventura CA
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Preschools In Ventura CA
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Preschools In Ventura CA
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Preschools In Ventura CA
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.