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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Present Moment Parenting: The Guide To A Peaceful Life With Your Intense Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.