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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Problem Solving In The Classroom
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Problem Solving In The Classroom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Problem Solving In The Classroom
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Problem Solving In The Classroom
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Problem Solving In The Classroom
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Problem Solving In The Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Problem Solving In The Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Problem Solving In The Classroom
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main feeling under it
• Most mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Problem Solving In The Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Problem Solving In The Classroom
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Problem Solving In The Classroom
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Problem Solving In The Classroom
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Problem Solving In The Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Problem Solving In The Classroom
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Problem Solving In The Classroom
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