Proper Way To Discipline A Child – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

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Proper Way To Discipline A Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Proper Way To Discipline A Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Proper Way To Discipline A Child

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children everything they want Proper Way To Discipline A Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline

• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it

• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Proper Way To Discipline A Child

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Proper Way To Discipline A Child

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Proper Way To Discipline A Child

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Proper Way To Discipline A Child


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